if you wanna be a warrior your heart's gonna be broken more than a couple of times.
my heart has been broken by running and broken dreams more than a few times but never by a person. people have hurt my feelings before, but I've never "lost" someone really close to my heart before, its a different kinda pain. so, why would a God who loves us so much allow a pain like that to hurt our heart?
some things I've been praying // working through. church today was on how God wants the things that are precious to our hearts. there's tremendous power in the act of releasing the most precious parts of our hearts to God. we are precious in God's eyes when we give him these parts of our hearts. He has a right to ask for the precious because He gave His precious son (1 peter 1:19). I went to the 9:45am service this morning & it was amazing but then I continued to feel discouraged throughout the day & couldn't feel God's presence the way I want / need to. so, I drove back to church for the 5:30pm service haha. some might would say this is dumb, the same message twice in one day? I'll take the same message 500 times in one day. listening to & praying through the hard things over and over and over again till I believe them, till He has the most precious places of my heart.
Psalm 126 verses 4-6 say "And now, God, do it again-- bring rain to our drought-stricken lives. So those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest, So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessings." (MSG) another translation "those who sew in tears will reap joy."
whatever we put into God's hands automatically gets so much more valuable. when we say goodbye to the dreams that are closest to our hearts He can repair those dreams. It will take time, sometimes longer than we would like (I'm impatient haha), but once He's done repairing those things we will not look like what we have been through on the outside. on the inside there will be evidence of the heart surgery, the things that caused us pain will still be evident on the inside. people will see the front, while we see the miraculous healings God has done in private.
when we release the things of our past ("don't look back you are not going that way"), when we stop holding the seed but send it instead, His dreams for us will without a doubt come true ("those who sew in tears will reap joy"). it doesn't feel all joyful and like "dreams are coming true" at first, it usually feels like conflict. but, the measure of God's confidence in us shows the measure of trust He has in us. if he brings us into a conflict or "sad" event in our lives, its a good thing !! if you're already in it that means He has already equipped you for "such a time as this" (esther) !! if we aren't ready for it He brings us around the hard things, being "in" something hard means He knows our hearts are ready for whatever it is and He has confidence you will walk through it, make it to the other side, equipped to bless those around you in bigger ways than you ever could have before.
so keep praising Him. even when it hurts. i promise it will be worth it. that's coming from past pains and seeing what God can and will do when we surrender our broken dreams, the most precious parts of our hearts to him. I still take back parts of my heart sometimes and have to constantly pray that God would help me desire to give those things to Him. be it boys, running, looks, insecurities, friends, family, etc etc. praying He would be so precious to me that everything else that is "precious" to my heart cannot compare. thankful that what is sewn in tears is harvested in joy. a prayer to hang on to :: "the surgery is worth it, get below the surface, open up my eyes. i wanna see heaven" (Passion Music, Heaven).
ps. go listen to "your heart" by RaeLynn.